Everything that happened in January 2020; in 5 minutes or less.

No longer royals?

What haven’t we seen this January 2020? I think it has been quite interesting.

One man’s decision put the entire world on the brink of war and the Iranians then showed brothers from the lake-side region how funerals really ought to be done.

One continent almost burnt out of existence. We are currently housing their refugee locusts. One of us actually lost his Cabinet Secretary job for ordering us to take pictures of them like they were children of the land.

Then one virus decided it was high time the Chinese stopped selling wild animals as food. My guess is that one bat or cobra decided to take one for the team, given that the virus originated from the sale of wild animals in some Chinese market. Worrisomely, the virus has begun popping up in other parts of the world.

And if twitter news serves me well, a couple decided that they no longer wanted to be royals. If only life were that easy for everyone; here in Kenya we would all ride horses.

Still in the same January, the pope almost immediately apologized for smacking a woman on the hand. It must be one of the fastest apologies ever rendered by the head of such a global reaching institution. I think even feminists were stunned – they never even got the chance to put a word in.

Then Kobe Bryant’s death reminded me of something; if you die the same day as a famous person, nobody really cares. Most people don’t even know that there were other passengers on that ill-fated helicopter crash. Very sad.

Back home in Nairobi, as the month was starting, one man decided to hang himself, only to fail and thereafter plead with angry onlookers not to kill him. Contrary to popular warning, he should have tried or tied the noose at home. At least there if he failed, he would have tried and tried again, far away from the eyes of ‘nosy’ onlookers.

Surprisingly, Kasarani finally proved to her neighbors that she too can defend her right to good roads. Kibera watched in silence. Rather unfortunately, some lives were lost in the demos.

Kasarani demos

One country-man with the same name twice is still stuck in Canada even though this time he had willingly boarded.

Then one homie shot the other homie on tape at B-Club, as one lady decided that there would be no more free rides in her car for the boys in blue.

And as always with January, there was no money. Interestingly, this time round even the Chief Justice got hit. Yes, we are all hustlers now.

One senior from Kiambu is currently sharing some similarities with the American president – impeachment! It is almost as though it is all over for one. I cannot wait to see how it goes for the American.

Also, my calendar reads January 2020 but the events on my Tv seem to suggest that I am living in 2022 – election year. ‘#BBI’ or ‘#BBINonsense’, whatever your pick, it’s drama drama drama! Prime time news is now soap opera number one.

I don’t think we have seen another January as eventful as this one. Here’s to hoping February doesn’t disappoint.

Ochieng Ogunde